Strange chants: part eleven

I’ve not thought of many ‘strange chants’ for a while now, I suppose most things football fans chant are reasonably self explanatory and don’t really qualify as being strange (plus there seems to be a general dearth of genuinely witty new chants surfacing from the fans these days, with the odd one-off exception at away matches).  This one wouldn’t be strange, were it not for the fact that you still hear it even this season!

You are my Forest
My only Forest
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You never notice
How much I love you
So please don’t take
My Forest away

It goes to the tune of ‘you are my sunshine’ and I suppose is indicative of that unconditional love we have that leads us to torture ourselves with watching Forest week in week out.  Certainly the last few weeks, when the weather has been mild and the football’s been shite, I’d be more inclined to sing “you make be miserable, when skies are blue!”, but still – I suppose it isn’t particularly strange, but it does raise a wry smile when it goes up even during the most drab and dire performance (and let’s face it, there’s plenty to choose from this season!).

Although I quite like the section suggesting that this love is unrequieted, because that feels very much how things are at the moment whether it be the ‘powers that be’, the manage or the players – part of that is our own doing, because we’re impatient – that said, we got nearly 28,000 at the City Ground, in Division Three, despite staring down the barrel of a third season in this shit league – we may grumble a bit, but we still turn up!

Strange chants: part ten

It’s been a while since we’ve had one of these, this one I can’t remember much before the late 90’s, and is generally used as a ‘put down’ I suppose.  It’s ubiquitous amongst Forest and just about every other set of fans I’ve encountered, and I find it ever-so-slightly odd and a bit banale (although I must admit, unlike the ‘Easeh Easeh Easeh!’ chant, I have been known to join in with it).

Imagine that the opponents had a near miss, or a disallowed goal – so the almost-cheer goes up, followed by the sullen silence, cue us to unleash:

“Who are ya?
Who are ya?
Who are ya?”

Coupled with pointing gestures.  Why do we do that?  It’s abundantly obvious who we’re playing – you hear their name before the game, it’s on the scoreboard, your programme, you saw it on the fixture list when you were checking if there was a game that day… it’s a bizarre one!  I’m sure there must be a more witty riposte to a near-miss, or a feeble chant from opposing fans than this!

Strange chants: part nine

Definitely not a Forest-only chant, although we seem to have a slight variation compared to most teams.  But you will hear this from fans ranging from Manchester United or Chelsea, right down to the Boston United or Notts County’s of this world; and frankly, well, for the vast majority of us it’s a very strange chant indeed.  I shall run with the Forest version:

“And it’s No-tt-ing-ham Fo-rest..
Nottingham Forest FC!
We’re by far the greatest team,
You’ll ever see!”
(repeat: last line for other clubs seems to be ‘The world has ever seen’)

It’s strange because even in my happiest and most blissful biasedness, I have seen greater teams than Forest, based on whatever measure you’d like to use (maybe I’d be less flippant if I were old enough to see the European Cup winners), so when you have fans of Scunthorpe United or Swansea City singing it up at you, it does make it all the more amusing.  It’s understandable, it’s a chant that symbolises our blind faith/support of our teams, but if you break it down it’s quite amusing given how hugely inaccurate it is!

Strange chants: part eight

Since ’tis the festive season (despite still being November – let’s face it, if you go by the average shop in town then Christmas starts in August anyway),  I thought it would be amusing to recall a festive chant, that I must admit I’ve not heard in a while – it amuses me as both an atheist and in the irreverent randomness of it – I mean, who thought to combine a Christmas Carol with a football chant?

“Away in a manger
No crib for a bed
The little Lord Jesus
Looked up and he said….



A work of sublime random genius, in my humble opinion, and given the time of year hopefully we will hear it dusted off at the City Ground or on our travels some time soon – of course, the other notable member of our canon of seasonal chanting is only appropriate for away trips, and relates to ‘Jingle bells’, and how much fun it is to see Forest win away – which is good fun too!

Strange chants: part seven

I’ve not heard this chant for a while, but generally it tends to come from the Upper Bridgford stand – I rarely hear it elsewhere in the ground on my travels. Last season in particular, there was a phase of hearing it at every game, no matter who the opponents were, no matter how many fans they bring, or how noisy they were.

The chant is designed to be disparaging, as such it should probably be reserved when that is appropriate. It is:

“Worst support we’ve ever seen!
Worst support we’ve ever seen…
Worst support we’ve..
Worst support we’ve..
Worst support we’ve ever seen!
Worst support we’ve ever seen!”

As you can see, quite straight forward and to the point – and in the right circumstance, it would be fine – but we used to joke last season that it was amusing how The Football League had arranged our home fixtures in order of the quality of their fanbase. Either that, or sections of the Forest fans have the memories of goldfishes, and genuinely believe the latest set of away fans infront of them to be the worst ever!

Either that, or it’s something that is dusted off when times are not so good, since it was a common feature of the City Ground under Megson’s reign, but something we hear less of now results have started to go some way to matching our hopes and expectations!

Strange chants: part six

It’s been a while since I’ve posted one of these, so it’s high time we had another one! This one’s quite commonly heard sung by Forest fans (well, not only Forest fans, but we don’t often hear it directed at us) all around the country on their travels, and in particular you might hear it at – how shall I put it – the, erm, less developed grounds we might visit – think Rotherham, Gillingham or Brighton. Basically, crap grounds.

“My garden shed! (My garden shed!)
Is bigger than this! (Is bigger than this!)
My garden shed is bigger than this!
It’s got a door, and a window!
My garden shed is bigger than this!”
(repeat to fade)

Or a slightly more outlandish deviation on the same theme:

“My kitchen sink! (My kitchen sink!)
Is bigger than this! (Is bigger than this!)
My kitchen sink is bigger than this!
It’s got a tap, and a plug-hole!
My kitchen sink is bigger than this!”
(repeat to fade)

It’s quite entertaining really – and the basic premise being that we’re making a witty remark based upon the size of the ground we’re playing in – it’s certainly better than “Shit ground, no fans!”, which is rather mundane. But there must be some bloody big sheds and sinks scattered around Nottingham, mustn’t there?

Mind you, I join in with this one, and have to confess a guilty secret – I don’t even have a garden shed, and my kitchen sink certainly isn’t that big!

Strange chants: part five

Some young ‘uns might feel that this chant is purely inspired by Soccer AM‘s now ‘legendary’ wrestler sketches. You’ll see them squabbling with one another in all manner of locations followed by a rendition of today’s strange chant.

You all know it. You wait until you’ve scored, or saved a penalty, or maybe when an opponent fluffs an easy chance, you stand up, you clap your hands above your head with straight arms, and you begin:

“Easeh! Easeh! Easeh!” (repeat ad infinitum)

This certainly isn’t restricted to Nottingham Forest fans, far from it, it’s a national phenomenon and it’s possibly the single most irritating thing to have infiltrated the terraces of England in living memory. It should stop. Consider this a campaign! I like Soccer AM, but in unleashing this travesty upon us they have a lot to answer for!

But consider this – the wrestlers on Sky’s morning football show are inspired by none other than these two shady characters. Now Big Daddy certainly entertained me as a younger person, and may he rest in peace, but do you really want to take your role model from a full grown, nay, an overgrown man in a leotard? He’s called Shirley too, you know! For shame. And the least said about his nemesis / comedy foil ‘Giant Haystacks’, also known as Martin Ruane, the better!

Strange chants: part four

This one’s definitely odd, but also pretty hilarious! Rice was signed by Brian Clough when Steve Hodge left his first spell at the club in 1985. Whilst never a world beater, he was certainly not the scapegoat that many Forest fans made of him (heh, some things never change!).

The chant goes to the tune of Yellow Submarine by the Beatles (the verse part, and sometimes leading into the chorus!), take a look at the accompanying image, and you should certainly be able to guess the chant that evokes this disturbing (and badly photoshopped) carnival of gingerness!

It’s usually reserved for when the team are playing badly – so it’s really amazing we haven’t heard it more over recent seasons, but the words go something like this:

Number one, is Brian Rice
Number two, is Brian Rice … (continuing to)..
Number eleven, is Brian Rice … (and into the chorus)..

The verse section has been known to stretch to likening all manner of things to Brian Rice, including the subs, the manager, the board, the goalposts and all manner of other things that occur to the fans as the song goes up.

Definitely good fun, if a little harsh on a man who once scored an absolute wonder goal for Forest at Arsenal in 1988 – but well, at least he’s still remembered on the terraces whilst Forest fans are around! 😆

Strange chants: part three

I don’t disapprove of this one as such, as it’s quite good fun (obviously taken in the spirit of not actually condoning violence), but I definitely think it qualifies as a bit of an odd chant, so here it goes:

When I was just a little boy
My father bought me a brand new toy
A Derby fan on a piece of string
But all I could do was kick his head in…

Kick his head in… (you reds!)
Kick his head in… (you reds!)
All I could do was kick his head in!

Odd on so many levels – what kind of father would ever consider such a gift for their child? Who thought of it? What inspired it? It’s definitely a strange chant. Imagine waking up on Christmas morning, anticipating a new bike from Santa, and tied to the base of the Christmas Tree is a random sheepshagger looking a bit glum about the inevitable head-kicking-in he’s about to get.

Very odd indeed! It certainly takes all sorts…

Strange chants: part two

A blockThis little number is quite a common one, and is often wheeled out to the inevitable “You’re not famous anymore” type chants we get from all and sundry visiting the City Ground these days, or indeed on our travels, and it goes a little something like this:

You’ve never won f**k all!

Let’s ignore the fact for a moment that it’s an oxymoron, in fact no, let’s not ignore it – if you’ve NEVER won ‘f**k all’, then by logic you HAVE once won something. This is ironic, because given that it’s been a good while since we won anything of note, more often than not the recipients of this ill thought out taunt are often in a similar boat, albeit with a longer gap since when they last won something.

Huddersfield, for example, were on the receiving end of this chant last season – they’ve won the league three times, twice more than us, admittedly this was in the 1920’s, so they need slightly longer memories than us to remember the glory days, but you get my point.

I suppose this is linked to the whole ‘terrace wit’ story I posted a few days ago – firstly, this chant is silly because it doesn’t make any grammatical sense, and then secondly, it is incredibly baby executed by indiscriminate Reds fans and directed at supporters of teams who have an illustrious past.