Boredom rules supreme, and since the most repetitive rumour is that we’re after wantaway striker Robert Earnshaw from Derby, and indeed, they have apparently accepted an offer for him, I got to thinking about his nickname ‘Earnie’.. this led me to thinking about Benny Hill’s song about a Milkman called Ernie, and one thing kind of led to another, and I apologise in advance for my appalling rhyming skills, but it kept me entertained for a while!
Earnie – A Forest striker, or just jest?
You could hear their heartbeats pound as strikers race across the ground,
And the ripple of the net as they’re sent tumbling down and down,
As he fed from scraps, or sat on the bench, a Ram upon his chest,
His name was Earnie, and he played for team that wasn’t blessed.Now Earnie loved to score goals, it used to be a common treat,
But now he’s on the bench sat next to a Scouse love cheat,
They said that he was useless, scoring only twice in seven starts,
He knew in a team of wasters that he’d never top the scoring charts.They called him Earnie, (Earnieeeeeeee)
And he was stuck rotting in Derby, and he was stressed,He said he needed good service, Jewell said “All right, my lad,”
But fifteen hoofed balls in every game would hardly make him glad,
He said, “On the deck is where I need it, ’cause on the deck is best,”
But Paul Jewell was too busy staring at his missus’ chest.That upset old Earnie, (Earnieeeeeee)
And he was stuck rotting in Derby, and he was stressed,Earnie’s team soon had no rival, they were confirmed the worst,
Down before April and the lowest points, it seemed that they were cursed,
He waiting for his chance again, wishing the nightmare to end,
But hapless players and a hapless coach just drop him round the bend.He nearly swooned when the press confirmed a way out from this hell,
Derby were after a Forest lad, but he could go t’other way as well,
He knew once an offer came his way he could be on his way,
And soon enough he’d be back to scoring come what may.Poor old Earnie, (Earnieeeeee)
And he was stuck rotting in Derby, and he was stressed,An offer’s been accepted, to take him from that place,
But nobody’s confirmed the club, at least not to his face,
He’s really not that bothered now – he just wants to leave Pride Park,
Embarrassed by association, he had been heard to remark.He pondered who it could be, perhaps if Forest it would be best,
Just to stick it up the gaffer, who shags his mistress in his vest,
It doesn’t matter who it is, any way out of here will do,
But it would be sweet to score the goal that makes Derby Nil and Forest 2.Good old Earnie, (Earnieeeee)
An escape from Derby planned, and he felt blessed.
Of course, now I’ve written that drivel I bet he ends up going back to Cardiff!
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We all know what happens when the season finishes, the rumours start in earnest – you only need to check one or two of the forums to see some outlandish claims being made. My favourite (and quite persistent) one at the moment is the return of Marlon Harewood next season. Not that I believe it, generally the flippant ‘99.9% of rumours are bollocks’ statistic is probably something that isn’t entirely unreasonable (unless you’re talking about the Fleetwood Mac album, which is probably about 50% bollocks).
Whilst Manchester United are celebrating an unsurprising title, despite putting four goals past their respective opponents, Reading and Birmingham City will be joining Derby County (whose fate was confirmed back in March), and of course joining us, in The Championship next season. The UEFA cup place that Villa had a slim chance of snatching remains with Everton as the top of the table resumes a very familiar shape to end the season. 
