They call him Earnie, and is he a Forest striker, or just jest?

Boredom rules supreme, and since the most repetitive rumour is that we’re after wantaway striker Robert Earnshaw from Derby, and indeed, they have apparently accepted an offer for him, I got to thinking about his nickname ‘Earnie’.. this led me to thinking about Benny Hill’s song about a Milkman called Ernie, and one thing kind of led to another, and I apologise in advance for my appalling rhyming skills, but it kept me entertained for a while!

Earnie – A Forest striker, or just jest?

You could hear their heartbeats pound as strikers race across the ground,
And the ripple of the net as they’re sent tumbling down and down,
As he fed from scraps, or sat on the bench, a Ram upon his chest,
His name was Earnie, and he played for team that wasn’t blessed.

Now Earnie loved to score goals, it used to be a common treat,
But now he’s on the bench sat next to a Scouse love cheat,
They said that he was useless, scoring only twice in seven starts,
He knew in a team of wasters that he’d never top the scoring charts.

They called him Earnie, (Earnieeeeeeee)
And he was stuck rotting in Derby, and he was stressed,

He said he needed good service, Jewell said “All right, my lad,”
But fifteen hoofed balls in every game would hardly make him glad,
He said, “On the deck is where I need it, ’cause on the deck is best,”
But Paul Jewell was too busy staring at his missus’ chest.

That upset old Earnie, (Earnieeeeeee)
And he was stuck rotting in Derby, and he was stressed,

Earnie’s team soon had no rival, they were confirmed the worst,
Down before April and the lowest points, it seemed that they were cursed,
He waiting for his chance again, wishing the nightmare to end,
But hapless players and a hapless coach just drop him round the bend.

He nearly swooned when the press confirmed a way out from this hell,
Derby were after a Forest lad, but he could go t’other way as well,
He knew once an offer came his way he could be on his way,
And soon enough he’d be back to scoring come what may.

Poor old Earnie, (Earnieeeeee)
And he was stuck rotting in Derby, and he was stressed,

An offer’s been accepted, to take him from that place,
But nobody’s confirmed the club, at least not to his face,
He’s really not that bothered now – he just wants to leave Pride Park,
Embarrassed by association, he had been heard to remark.

He pondered who it could be, perhaps if Forest it would be best,
Just to stick it up the gaffer, who shags his mistress in his vest,
It doesn’t matter who it is, any way out of here will do,
But it would be sweet to score the goal that makes Derby Nil and Forest 2.

Good old Earnie, (Earnieeeee)
An escape from Derby planned, and he felt blessed.

Of course, now I’ve written that drivel I bet he ends up going back to Cardiff!

Gossip, rumours, malicious lies..

We all know what happens when the season finishes, the rumours start in earnest – you only need to check one or two of the forums to see some outlandish claims being made.  My favourite (and quite persistent) one at the moment is the return of Marlon Harewood next season.  Not that I believe it, generally the flippant ‘99.9% of rumours are bollocks’ statistic is probably something that isn’t entirely unreasonable (unless you’re talking about the Fleetwood Mac album, which is probably about 50% bollocks).

Michael sent me the following link though, which tries to quantify press rumours by club; so not only does it list who is reporting on our players who may be leaving, and those we may be targeting – they also supply us with the % hit rate for each of the publications!  So, if we see the Daily Mail reporting that Commo might be defecting and travelling the wrong way up the A52, we will know there’s a 29% chance they’re right – they currently have a hit rate of 2 transfers happening, out of 7 rumours printed.

As far as I know the News of the World is the latest paper to suggest that he’s definitely going, well they have a hit rate of a big fat 0% so far!  Indeed, the only papers to get any rumours at all right for Forest are the previously mentioned Mail, the Daily Star who’ve hit 3 out of 18 rumours printed, and the Sun who have just 1 correct from 14 printed.  So ultimately, it seems that the national press are just as reliable as the resident ‘guru’ with a source on your forum of choice.

So it’s definitely worth sticking this page in your bookmarks; I shall add it to my links section as well – if nothing else it’s a one-stop shop for finding rumours rather than sifting through the papers, their websites or trying to glean that crucial bit of information from one of the many Forest forums.  Having said that, you may still have to do that as well, because there’s no mention of Marlon Harewood coming back in the press at all, which perhaps demonstrates how realistic that particular one is!

The Premier League draws to an inevitable close..

Whilst Manchester United are celebrating an unsurprising title, despite putting four goals past their respective opponents, Reading and Birmingham City will be joining Derby County (whose fate was confirmed back in March), and of course joining us, in The Championship next season.  The UEFA cup place that Villa had a slim chance of snatching remains with Everton as the top of the table resumes a very familiar shape to end the season.  

The usual suspects sit in the top three, Liverpool occupy the ‘not quite good enough to be contenders, but better than everyone else’ slot in fourth, with Everton again in fifth, but in no danger of troubling their neighbours for that ‘Champions’ League spot.  Derby of course was always an inevitable position at the foot of the table, indeed, if they’d been given nine points for a win and three for a draw, then they would still be bottom of the league, that’s how piss poor they’ve been this season.

Despite an element of drama at the foot and the top of the table, it really didn’t compare to the final run-in for both The Championship and in League One, where so many uncertainties lead to a number of surprises happening; mostly pleasing to us Reds, I might add.  It does lend weight to Smoulderwood commenting on The Football League website that the Championship is arguably the best in the country – for competitiveness… it’s hard to argue that point when you see the likes of Stoke City finally gracing the top flight again.

So as well as the obvious fixture we relish, we can also looking forward to a reacquaintance with Birmingham City and Reading; a part of me was hoping Fulham would drop as it’s a ground I’ve not visited whereas I have been to the others before – but nonetheless it does make for slightly more talented opponents that we’ve had habitually for a while.  Let’s hope we get the assorted outstanding contracts and new signings sorted out in time to have a solid preseason with a full squad!