Through the keyhole…

Who lives in a house like this?  Below are the notes made by a worker from a cleaning company to help the other cleaners upon their first day of cleaning the house of Colin Smoulderwood.  It makes interesting reading for you voyeuristic types, and of course, from somebody’s home we can make all sorts of links with their professional life!

The first job was to do the dusting, upon searching high and low I finally found the duster in the fruit bowl.  On the mantelpiece were some brass ornaments that needed a polish, I eventually found a tin of Brasso inside the fridge, next to a bottle of Cillit Bang which I used to clean the sink and hob.

The kitchen surface cleaner was to be found inside the toilet cistern, and the bathroom cleaner in the larder cupboard in the kitchen.  Deciding to tackle the hoovering, I found the vacuum cleaner in the shed at the bottom of the large garden.  The Toilet Duck was in the loft, and the toilet brush in the umbrella holder in the porch.

I had to throw some things out in the kitchen, as the client seems to keep his milk in the microwave, cheese on top of the television and salad produce pegged out on the washing line.  Certainly this is the most challenging house I’ve ever had to tackle, everything in the house seems to be placed in an inappropriate place!

Hmm, I wonder what conclusions we can draw from the way that Smoulders home life seems to be organised?  It seemed a much more amusing idea when I thought of it, but sod it!

3 Responses

  1. Anything to pass the time…Hope all our fingernails are still intact in 24 hours.

  2. It all makes sense now. I went last night for the first time in ages and I couldn’t beleive how disjointed we looked.

    When he brought Sinclair on, I saw Commons telling Grant Holt where to play after he was given instructions from deadwood. To say the pair looked bemused would be an understatement.

    How come 20000 fans can see what the best formation is yet deadwood can’t, I thought last nights second half performance was shocking, we looked like we were the away team and that should not be right when we play at the City Ground.

    Also I thought the atmosphere was drab last night in the Forest end, I have heard it is like this every game now, personally i think us fans are getting a bit tired of playing in a shit league each week.

  3. rofl, was actually quite funny that

    anyway, i remember reading the smoulders was a lover of tactics books, i can imagine he’s like one of those guys in engineering fields who just gets carried away and over-engineers everything to the point it where it fucks up

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