Strange chants: part five

Some young ‘uns might feel that this chant is purely inspired by Soccer AM‘s now ‘legendary’ wrestler sketches. You’ll see them squabbling with one another in all manner of locations followed by a rendition of today’s strange chant.

You all know it. You wait until you’ve scored, or saved a penalty, or maybe when an opponent fluffs an easy chance, you stand up, you clap your hands above your head with straight arms, and you begin:

“Easeh! Easeh! Easeh!” (repeat ad infinitum)

This certainly isn’t restricted to Nottingham Forest fans, far from it, it’s a national phenomenon and it’s possibly the single most irritating thing to have infiltrated the terraces of England in living memory. It should stop. Consider this a campaign! I like Soccer AM, but in unleashing this travesty upon us they have a lot to answer for!

But consider this – the wrestlers on Sky’s morning football show are inspired by none other than these two shady characters. Now Big Daddy certainly entertained me as a younger person, and may he rest in peace, but do you really want to take your role model from a full grown, nay, an overgrown man in a leotard? He’s called Shirley too, you know! For shame. And the least said about his nemesis / comedy foil ‘Giant Haystacks’, also known as Martin Ruane, the better!

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Tyson only gone ’til November?

Never-say-die striker Nathan Tyson has been recuperating really well according to latest reports coming from Forest HQ.  The lethal frontman has been working hard on his recuperation from a torn medial ligament on the opening day of the season, and is hopeful that the initial estimate of a four month layoff was somewhat exaggerated.

He was due to return to contention in December, but after advice from doctors Nathan believes he could be back in training within 4-5 weeks, which gives him a prospective return date of November rather than December, whcih is a massive bonus to both Tys, who must be driving himself barmy having to wear a leg brace, and to Forest – whilst we’ve gotten results without him, the dimension he gives the side is a huge boost – not least because in a pinch he can cover the left wing!!

An interview with a Derby fan

I was blessed with being tolerant, so I have amongst my acquaintances a number of supporters of Derby County, ranging from colleagues to friends – I thought it would be interesting to interview one of them, this is that interview.

Hello, it’s not been the best of starts for the mutton molesters this season, has it?

I’m not going to answer all these questions if you keep referring to us like that! But no, it’s been a disappointing season so far, but we’re picking up, we beat Wolves and drew with Preston so at least we’re not so close to you red dogs anymore!

Hang on! How can you say ‘red dogs’ yet I’m not allowed to say ‘mutton molesters’ – doesn’t seem fair, shall we have a truce and stick to F*rest for you, and D*rby for me?

Sounds fair, I suppose!

Let’s ignore current affairs, what with us being top of the league and everything, and concentrate on the rivalry factor – would you rather Forest got promoted so we can play one another again?

I couldn’t say that to my Derby mates, but safe in this anonymous environment then definitely – the buzz at fixtures between the two teams is immense, of course, we’ve had the better of those fixtures lately too, maybe that means we’re due a beating from F*rest, but I doubt it somehow.

I suppose you’re one of those sad buggers who bought t-shirts with coffee cups on it and limited edition DVDs of the game featuring Barry Roche’s ‘heroics’?

Ha! No, I don’t own the DVD, although I think if you search on YouTube hard enough you’ll find all you need to cheer yourself up.  Barry Roche is a legend in Derby after that game, although if I take my Rams-tinted glasses off for a moment, had he not had a ‘mare I seem to recall Forest finishing reasonably strongly in that game.

I’ve never had a longer walk than that walk from Shite Park to D*rby station among the smiling D*rby chavs…

Easy! It was a great day for us, I remember feeling similar when you hammered us 3-0 at the Shitty Ground in the season you lost the playoff semi to the Blades.

Yeah, thanks for reminding me of that!

You can always rely on Des Walker to cheer up a Derby fan!

Poor Des.  Anyway, so aside from secretly wanting Forest to get promoted, what are your hopes for the season?

I wouldn’t want F*rest to win the league, maybe limp into second place or through the playoffs.  For Derby I had hoped we’d be in contention for the playoffs, but given our start I guess midtable will have to do – we’re in a ‘transition period’ apparently – it’s quite frustrating.

Surely Forest getting promoted isn’t really that important, after all you have a rivalry with Leicester City, don’t you?

It’s not the same, and you know it! Their fans shout louder when the F*rest and D*rby scores are read out at half time (if they’re losing) then when their own team scores!  We don’t really give a rats ass about them much like I don’t think the F*rest fans do – Leicester are just desperate for someone to hate them back, horrible bunch of fans, they are.

And that’s all for now, I may revisit this as an idea, either with the same D*rby fan or perhaps some of the others I know if they’re willing.

‘Rough Diamond’ Zola can fell Forest

Tranmere Rovers boss Ronnie Moore has been back in the press today eulogising about striker Calvin Zola, who has been covering for the injured Chris Greenacre and playing alongside former Forest captain Gareth Taylor up front for the Birkenhead club.

“He’s a rough diamond, he just needs polishing” said Moore, of the striker – who arrived at Prenton Park on a free from Newcastle, having spent time at Oldham on loan.  He’s scored one goal so far this season, against Northampton, and is said to link up well with big Gaz, so let’s hope we don’t have another day of clown defending and Paul Smith is on top of his game!