Through the seasons before us..

Boredom rules supreme, and since the most repetitive rumour is that we’re after wantaway striker Robert Earnshaw from Derby, and indeed, they have apparently accepted an offer for him, I got to thinking about his nickname ‘Earnie’.. this led me to thinking about Benny Hill’s song about a Milkman called Ernie, and one thing kind of led to another, and I apologise in advance for my appalling rhyming skills, but it kept me entertained for a while!

Earnie - A Forest striker, or just jest?

You could hear their heartbeats pound as strikers race across the ground,
And the ripple of the net as they’re sent tumbling down and down,
As he fed from scraps, or sat on the bench, a Ram upon his chest,
His name was Earnie, and he played for team that wasn’t blessed.

Now Earnie loved to score goals, it used to be a common treat,
But now he’s on the bench sat next to a Scouse love cheat,
They said that he was useless, scoring only twice in seven starts,
He knew in a team of wasters that he’d never top the scoring charts.

They called him Earnie, (Earnieeeeeeee)
And he was stuck rotting in Derby, and he was stressed,

He said he needed good service, Jewell said “All right, my lad,”
But fifteen hoofed balls in every game would hardly make him glad,
He said, “On the deck is where I need it, ’cause on the deck is best,”
But Paul Jewell was too busy staring at his missus’ chest.

That upset old Earnie, (Earnieeeeeee)
And he was stuck rotting in Derby, and he was stressed,

Earnie’s team soon had no rival, they were confirmed the worst,
Down before April and the lowest points, it seemed that they were cursed,
He waiting for his chance again, wishing the nightmare to end,
But hapless players and a hapless coach just drop him round the bend.

He nearly swooned when the press confirmed a way out from this hell,
Derby were after a Forest lad, but he could go t’other way as well,
He knew once an offer came his way he could be on his way,
And soon enough he’d be back to scoring come what may.

Poor old Earnie, (Earnieeeeee)
And he was stuck rotting in Derby, and he was stressed,

An offer’s been accepted, to take him from that place,
But nobody’s confirmed the club, at least not to his face,
He’s really not that bothered now - he just wants to leave Pride Park,
Embarrassed by association, he had been heard to remark.

He pondered who it could be, perhaps if Forest it would be best,
Just to stick it up the gaffer, who shags his mistress in his vest,
It doesn’t matter who it is, any way out of here will do,
But it would be sweet to score the goal that makes Derby Nil and Forest 2.

Good old Earnie, (Earnieeeee)
An escape from Derby planned, and he felt blessed.

Of course, now I’ve written that drivel I bet he ends up going back to Cardiff!

We all know what happens when the season finishes, the rumours start in earnest - you only need to check one or two of the forums to see some outlandish claims being made.  My favourite (and quite persistent) one at the moment is the return of Marlon Harewood next season.  Not that I believe it, generally the flippant ‘99.9% of rumours are bollocks’ statistic is probably something that isn’t entirely unreasonable (unless you’re talking about the Fleetwood Mac album, which is probably about 50% bollocks).

Michael sent me the following link though, which tries to quantify press rumours by club; so not only does it list who is reporting on our players who may be leaving, and those we may be targeting - they also supply us with the % hit rate for each of the publications!  So, if we see the Daily Mail reporting that Commo might be defecting and travelling the wrong way up the A52, we will know there’s a 29% chance they’re right - they currently have a hit rate of 2 transfers happening, out of 7 rumours printed.

As far as I know the News of the World is the latest paper to suggest that he’s definitely going, well they have a hit rate of a big fat 0% so far!  Indeed, the only papers to get any rumours at all right for Forest are the previously mentioned Mail, the Daily Star who’ve hit 3 out of 18 rumours printed, and the Sun who have just 1 correct from 14 printed.  So ultimately, it seems that the national press are just as reliable as the resident ‘guru’ with a source on your forum of choice.

So it’s definitely worth sticking this page in your bookmarks; I shall add it to my links section as well - if nothing else it’s a one-stop shop for finding rumours rather than sifting through the papers, their websites or trying to glean that crucial bit of information from one of the many Forest forums.  Having said that, you may still have to do that as well, because there’s no mention of Marlon Harewood coming back in the press at all, which perhaps demonstrates how realistic that particular one is!

Whilst Manchester United are celebrating an unsurprising title, despite putting four goals past their respective opponents, Reading and Birmingham City will be joining Derby County (whose fate was confirmed back in March), and of course joining us, in The Championship next season.  The UEFA cup place that Villa had a slim chance of snatching remains with Everton as the top of the table resumes a very familiar shape to end the season.  

The usual suspects sit in the top three, Liverpool occupy the ‘not quite good enough to be contenders, but better than everyone else’ slot in fourth, with Everton again in fifth, but in no danger of troubling their neighbours for that ‘Champions’ League spot.  Derby of course was always an inevitable position at the foot of the table, indeed, if they’d been given nine points for a win and three for a draw, then they would still be bottom of the league, that’s how piss poor they’ve been this season.

Despite an element of drama at the foot and the top of the table, it really didn’t compare to the final run-in for both The Championship and in League One, where so many uncertainties lead to a number of surprises happening; mostly pleasing to us Reds, I might add.  It does lend weight to Smoulderwood commenting on The Football League website that the Championship is arguably the best in the country - for competitiveness… it’s hard to argue that point when you see the likes of Stoke City finally gracing the top flight again.

So as well as the obvious fixture we relish, we can also looking forward to a reacquaintance with Birmingham City and Reading; a part of me was hoping Fulham would drop as it’s a ground I’ve not visited whereas I have been to the others before - but nonetheless it does make for slightly more talented opponents that we’ve had habitually for a while.  Let’s hope we get the assorted outstanding contracts and new signings sorted out in time to have a solid preseason with a full squad!

I’ve mentioned David Peace’s novel based on Clough’s famous 44 days at Leeds United, but always from the position of supreme ignorance of never having read it.  Many of you commented, quite rightly, that I should - despite my reservations having heard the reaction of the Clough family to the tome.  However, I have relented and availed myself of a copy, and blitzed through it over the last few days, and can now comment on it from a position of being at least slightly less ignorant than I was.

Firstly, it’s a good book - I tried to suspend my judgements, my feelings, my fears that it would try to annihilate my hero, and judge it on it’s own merits.  It’s very important this is fiction woven around true events, those 44 days, as well as flashbacks to time spent at both Hartlepools (as they were back then) and Derby County - all told through a narrative purported from Clough’s mind.

I do think that Clough is portrayed quite one-dimensionally - if it were the only reference material you had on him, you’d think he were an unjustifiably arrogant chain-smoking person with a drink problem and a severe case of Tourette’s syndrome, not to mention a strange fixation with losing his watch.  You would think him embittered and obsessed by Don Revie, and you would think him an insecure and weak-minded person hopelessly out of his depth when managing a team who should have been doing much better than they were.

It got me thinking to the kind of self-narratives I sometimes have though, and if I were to write them down and read them back, I would probably not think them a fair reflection on my true self either.  I have no idea whether David Peace has a more sympathetic view of Clough than his caricature portrays, but certainly the thoughts we all have from time to time might not be quite as rational and pride-inducing as those that we choose to externalise either in writing or conversation.

Certainly Peace packs the book with facts as well as fiction, told in a time-line story in sync with a time-line of past achievements - and it’s interesting and compelling reading.  I struggled with the repetitive nature of Peace’s writing, he repeats phrases constantly - although perhaps his 44 days at Leeds felt like a monotonous and repetitive cycle of difficulty.  I imagine it can’t have been easy, attempting to tackle a bunch of mature and successful players who you’d spent the last few years slagging off must have been challenging.

Whilst it’s a very poor comparison on so many levels it brought to mind Megson’s time at Forest; attempting to motivate a bunch of overpaid bloaters who’d been allowed to indulge all their bad habits under Kinnear - of course, the manager, the players and the status of the clubs bear no comparison at all - but ultimately it’s a tale of the wrong man in the wrong place at the wrong time - apparently fuelled by both his desire to escape the obscurity of managing Brighton, and his embittered need to eclipse fellow Middlesbroughite Don Revie.

In leaving Brighton he left behind Peter Taylor; I’ve written at length before how much I feel Taylor’s contribution to Clough’s success is overlooked - and in lacking his ‘right arm’ at Leeds, it certainly didn’t help his struggle.  Of course, we latterly learned that Clough was capable of a second less glorious renaissance without Taylor at Forest, but never was he to rediscover those great heights they reached together, almost with Derby County - totally with Nottingham Forest.

Aside from minor quibbles (I don’t believe, despite capable of swearing like a trooper, that Clough would have oft used ‘the C word’ as he does in the book, nor do I believe he would have drawn such vivid sexual metaphors in his mind for Derby trying to overcome Juventus in the European Cup), it was an interesting and thought-provoking read.  Who knows how accurate the account is?  Not me - I personally choose to take it with a large helping of salt, but certainly it’s a book that is worth reading.

It didn’t leave me particularly emotionally touched, which books like ‘Provided you don’t kiss me‘ and ‘My father and other working class football heroes‘ did - but perhaps that isn’t the intention; so this isn’t exactly a rave review, but it’s somewhat a retraction on my previous reticence to even consider picking up the book - I don’t feel the time I’ve spent on it has been wasted, equally I wouldn’t say it’s inspired me either.  A worthwhile way to have spent the playoff weekend, though!

In seasons past (or indeed, through the seasons before us?!) we’ve either been in the thick of playoff action, or looking bitterly wishing we at least had a chance in this lottery of attaining promotion.  Having steeled myself for our involvement this year, it’s been great to pay just a passing interest to the games as they occur - Southend vs Doncaster last night, and of course the Championship saw last year’s League One runners up facing Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park for a shot at the big time.

Southend couldn’t make home advantage count against a lacklustre Rovers, despite having the lion’s share of possession, and having more shots both on and off target, the Shrimpers must be content to take the game to Rovers up at the Keepmoat Stadium next week.  They will be boosted by the fact that former Notts striker Paul Heffernan decided to headbutt a Southend player directly infront of the referee, yielding the only card of the game - a red one - which will leave the striker suspended for the next leg on Friday 16th.

Leeds United will entertain Carlisle on Monday night at Elland Road for the second semi-final, and battle here will resume just three days later at Brunton Park.  I’ve never understood the scheduling of playoff dates - whilst Southend and Doncaster get a full week gap between their two games, Leeds and Carlisle get half.  But still, Carlisle won’t be relishing the trip, on an abysmal run of league form and facing not only an in-form Leeds side, but one with renewed rage following the failure of Ken Bates’ appeal to The Football League.

Of course, since we are now a Championship club (that felt good to type!) we should consider the playoffs at this level too.  Bristol City were, this time last season, where we are now - contemplating and planning for their future at the next level up.  Well this year they’ve just beaten Neil Warnock’s Crystal Palace in the first leg of their playoff semi-final.  They took the lead before being pegged back by a penalty - but won the game with a 30 yard screamer to set up a challenge for Warnock’s men on Tuesday in Bristol.

Tomorrow Watford entertain Hull City, to be followed by a return fixture on Wednesday.  The same gap for all competitors in the Championship compared to the randomness of the league we’ve just left.  Whilst I wouldn’t say I’ve been religiously following them as I had considered doing, it’s great to sit back and check results and match reports without having any real worry about what they’ll be.  It’s certainly interesting to know who’ll join us or leave us, but beyond that - it’s blissfully irrelevant!

The club claims an average increase of 10%, I make it around 12% - casting my eye down the list of prices, then I would say I’m satisfied rather than pleased.  If we take a few of their renewal rates and divide them by 23 for a ‘per match’ basis, then it does start to look a bit of a rip off in some areas, but less so in others - but I suppose that this hasn’t really changed over the last few years.

Let’s start with renewing in the Trent End, £349 - the cheapest adult option at the City Ground - this represents a little over £15 per match which isn’t bad at all.  Take it to the other extreme and go for a new (ie, not a renewal) season ticket in C or D block for a whopping £517 and it works out at almost £22.50 per game.  Now, once you factor in the ‘everyone £5/£10′ type promotions, suddenly that doesn’t start to look like such a good option unless you can guarantee you’ll make every home game.

We would have been fools to not expect Forest to leverage their promotion as an opportunity to increase their prices, but perhaps with them achieving the unexpected on the pitch I had vainly hoped they would do something even more unexpected off it and offer a real reward to those of us who’ve stuck it out for the last few seasons whilst others have walked away.  A £25 difference (between a 5-8% discount depending on where you sit) isn’t really much of a reward when you think about it.

The full details are available by clicking here.  Mark Arthur had to say the following to announce the ticket prices:

“In setting the prices for season tickets we have taken into account several factors including other Championship club’s pricing structures, especially those clubs of a comparable size and stature, and our desire to give Colin Calderwood the best possible chance of strengthening the squad.”

Ah, the old strengthening the squad chestnut.  Mind you, if we could get (and these are completely hypothetical numbers) 15,000 season tickets sold, for an average price of £275 (once you factor in the younger fans and the senior citizen rates), then it would be worth over £4m, which isn’t to be sniffed at.  Having said that, if Mr Doughty is serious about his talk of wanting to be a challenger I imagine it would still take a fairly deep hand in his pocket to supplement the season ticket money…

Hats half-off to the powers-that-be at Forest, I was anticipating the usual wait ’til some time at the end of May or the start of June until they announced season ticket prices; but apparently they’ll be available on the Official Site at some point tomorrow.  Given the residual feelings of euphoria most of us are probably still feeling, it’s a prudent move, although of course it leaves us cautiously anticipating whether they’ll opt to fleece more cash out of us or reward our loyalty over some pretty dismal seasons.

I do think there’s some way to go on this front from Forest, our neighbours down the A52 released season tickets for sale some time ago, and have reportedly already shifted just under 20,000 of them.  Whilst I can understand that economically Forest might want to consider their promotion status, other clubs in the same situation are able to offer details - and solid incentives - to get renewals tied up with these things still unconfirmed.

The idea that promotion should also mean an increase in price is a bit of a simplistic stance - promotion to the Championship is worth £8m, so arguably a price increase would be less justifiable than if we’d failed to go up again - particularly since a higher league of football should increase demand and therefore sales of the magic booklets; which ultimately, when you consider the £5/£10 games etc, don’t really offer that much of a saving - particularly if you sit in the Main Stand.

But it will be welcome to know a bit further in advance than usual, I’m still holding my judgement until I understand exactly how much I’ll be expected to part with - will it be a cynical attempt to cash in on those fantastic feelings at the weekend?  Will it be a sympathetic reward for the loyalty so many of us have shown by continuing to renew through seasons of turgid rubbish?  I suppose it’s likely to be somewhere in between the two.

It’s no great surprise really, six wins out of seven - and a draw - have been enough not only to snatch Forest automatic promotion, but enough to snag the manager of the month award for April/May; an award he’s not picked up since November 2007.  So a big congratulations to Smoulds, who quite prophetically said back in November that he wasn’t celebrating too much as the April/May award was typically indictative of the success or failure of a season.

He said to the Official Forest site:

“I remember saying when I won the award in November that it didn’t really mean too much at that stage of the season and that any manager who wins it in April and May would really have something to smile about.

“Managers who win the award at this stage of the season have usually done something right in terms of getting their team promoted or clear of relegation.

“It’s nice to get the award but it’s not all about me. We won promotion as a team and a club and have celebrated likewise since Saturday.”

Also on the Official Site is a rather nice wallpaper they’ve put together of the assorted celebratory shots taken at the weekend - perfect for that work computer if you happen to sit next to a Leicester City or Derby County fan!  You can download them by clicking this link.

No? Me either!  Here are some more to enjoy - no goals this time, just the aftermath of the game and what it meant to the players and staff alike, not to mention the fans.  Keep an eye out for Terry the Kitman who makes a fairly prominent appearance!!

Whatever would we have done without YouTube?!

Firstly, I’ve managed to track down a copy of ‘that video’ - I’ve uploaded to YouTube and re-embedded it in the original story, and I’ve also uploaded a version of it in AVI format that you can download and keep (see original story for the link).  Given I’ve been lucky so far with my other video not being subject to the ‘cull’ of so many videos of the weekend, I’m hoping it might remain there for a while, but we shall see - so watch it while you can!

The other good news is that Sky Sports are reporting Forest have made Kris Commons a contract offer in the wake of either Derby County or his agent playing silly buggers and starting to make us worry he might be on his way.  So get it signed, Kris - you said you wanted to play in the Championship, why not enjoy the contribution you made to our season by enjoying the benefits next season whilst still wearing the Garibaldi!  Hopefully we can get this wrapped up quickly.

On a blogging front, it’s been understandably busy ’round here for the last few days - Sunday smashed my previous record day, and then Monday went and smashed that too - even yesterday was bigger than the original record day.  Which is completely awesome, past ’spikes’ in activity had been driven by negativity, it’s great to have a fat spike for positive reasons.  There was a certain amount of help by links from The Guardian (bottom left, we’re number two on “Our favourite things this week”) and When Saturday Comes - so thanks fellas!

Of course, after a frenetic few days of posting, it’s likely that the posts will slow down over the next few days, weeks and months - but of course I’ll try to keep track of the rumours as they arise.  The other good news is that the reserves are on track for a league and cup double after winning a semi-final match today, so a huge well done to them, an opportunity for them to cap off a truly remarkable season.