This interview is dedicated to Aylesbury Red, who reminded me I’ve not done one for a while. My Derby-supporting acquaintance was surprisingly fast to respond to my hastily drafted email, and indeed, appeared to be expecting it even though the whole series of interviews had completely slipped my mind. So thanks to both for the reminder, and the good grace to reply in what is, after all, not the best day to be a sheep botherer!
I just thought I’d drop you a line to congratulate you on securing a playoff spot!
You’re a proper bastard you are – I knew you’d email me today of all days, you’ve got no class, have you? I can’t believe we’ve thrown away such a good position! You haven’t been in touch since January, this is the technology equivalent of a kick in the knackers, you realise?
Yes, I do concede it’s not very sporting. Throwing away a decent position is something that I can relate to – of course, in emailing you today, I’m giving you the opportunity to get almost instant revenge since we’re likely to end up disappointed next week!
That’s true. I did chance a look at the league table in division three, it’s close up there isn’t it? How does it feel finishing behind the mighty Scunthorpe?
Well, Scunthorpe have deserved the league for their consistency. So now you’re playoff-bound, how do you rate your chances of succeeding? Looks like Southampton, Stoke or maybe Preston over two legs for you.
Indeed. I’m not sure – we’re on rather poor form really, 2 defeats in three. Teams like Stoke are on a decent run, but well, I try to remember that back at the start of the season, I would’ve taken third like a shot – so you have to try to forget that we’ve pissed a decent position away – much like you have! – but well, it could be worse – we could have done a Cardiff. Or a Leeds! Ha!
Ah yes, poor old Leeds – an event that has unified the football world in joy! I suppose as fellow Brian Clough worshippers, we have some rare common ground on this subject!
It was great, wasn’t it? Seeing the dirty bastards try to get the game called off by invading the pitch – just like they were when they were winning things, couldn’t win things with any class, couldn’t get relegated with any dignity. They aren’t known as dirty Leeds for nothing!
Indeed! So, given that we might end up in the playoffs too (in fact, we’re more than likely to), should you get to Wembley will be you be extending your stay in London to cheer on Forest the following day?
Not bloody likely! I’ve got this really nasty feeling that Bristol will slip up and you’ll sneak second on the last day, just to piss me off – and we’ll lose in the playoff semi-final, and the East Midlands news will obsess about Forest all bloody summer.
I’m not so sure about that! How do things stand financially if you fail to go up? All those signings, presumably on decent wages, this talk of redeveloping the (waste)land around your stadium – are they dependent on promotion?
Well certainly the signings could be considered a little excessive if we don’t go up – but we’re lead to believe the finances are in place regardless of our fate in the playoffs. The developments I believe will go ahead too – part of which will be named after Brian Clough, it will be good to have a decent tribute to him at the ground.
The world isn’t big enough to house all the tributes the Great Man deserves! Well, I shall leave you by blatantly not wishing you luck in the playoffs, but heartfelt thanks for your quick response to my, admittedly, very childish email.
No problem – you’re still a bastard. I will be in touch next week when you’re in the same boat as us! I know you’re pretending to expect a playoff finish, but deep inside you have that glimmer of hope burning within you that I will take great delight at reminding you of when it’s extinguished!
The battle-lines are drawn – of course, my sheep-bothering friend is quite right, it was a bit low to send the email today, so expect some abuse next week should we end up similarly playoff bound. And that’s part of what makes football fun, and we should expect no less – indeed, if you can’t take it, you shouldn’t dish it out. So I thank the interviewee for their good humour when really they’ve had a bit of a shitty day. I almost (I said almost!) feel sorry for him!
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