Judge: David Platt, you have been charged with the serious crime of impersonating a competent football manager – of flagrantly wasting millions of pounds on poor quality signings, and giving them over-inflated contracts which served to plunge the club into barely controllable debt, and ultimately the irreparably embarrassing and costly slide into League One. How do you plead?
Platt: Not guilty, your honour, in fact, I wish to register a claim for a £50,000 performance bonus that Eric Barnes promised me!
Judge: Let us hear the case for the prosecution.
Prosecution: David Platt took charge of Nottingham Forest in July 1999, between this date and 2001 he spent approximately £12,050,000 (source: Soccerbase) on transfer fees – the target for his tenure was to restore Nottingham Forest to the Premiership, the league above that in which they currently resided. His signings broadly proved to be unmitigated failures, which was reflected in the league placing of 14th in his first season in charge.
Season two for Platt was barely an improvement, with a finish of 11th place – this, according to the defendent, was sufficient to trigger a portion of a performance bonus promised by then-chairman Eric Barnes (the total amount up for grabs was up to £200,000). After season two, amazingly Platt was still in work at Forest, and there was no real pressure either from within the club nor from the fans to dispense with his services, however he was taken on by the FA to look after the England U21 team. The FA paid Forest compensation in order to end any outstanding obligations between David Platt and Nottingham Forest.
Circumstantially, David Platt remains a detested figure in Nottingham, whilst the patience of the supporters at this time was certainly more prominent than it is now, with hindsight it is recognised widely that the reign of David Platt was a pivotal part of the demise of the club – the news of his claim for any kind of performance related bonus has been roundly derided by Nottingham Forest supporters.
David Platt lost 42% of his games as boss of Nottingham Forest, despite having a larger transfer budget than any subsequent manager. Paul Hart was sacked, he lost 34% of games, Joe Kinnear was sacked, he lost 32% of games, Gary Megson was sacked, he lost 41% of games – David Platt has a worse record than any subsequent manager, with the possible exception of Megson with who he is comparable, all of these managers were sacked because their performance was unacceptable. The expectations on David Platt were higher – therefore it is impossible to consider his tenure at the club as anything other than an utter failure.
That is the case for the prosecution, your honour.
Judge: Thank you, prosecutor – a very compelling case, and how we will hear the case for the defence!
Defence: Erm, I’m afraid, having heard the case for the prosecution, the defence wishes to withdraw any form of comment – it is clear the defendant is horrendously guilty and is clearly utterly unworthy of any kind of performance related bonus.
Judge: Thank you for your candid evaluation, it would seem that David Platt is clearly guilty of impersonating a competent football manager – and is clearly undeserving of any form of performance related payment. He was clearly compensated for any loss of earnings by his taking of a new post within the Football Association, without considering that he didn’t actually earn any kind of bonus relating to a good performance!
Platt: Boo hoo!
Judge: You are sentence to be drowned in a bath by Charlie Stubbs from Coronation Street!
Platt: What? That’s the wrong David Platt!
Judge: Silence! I have spoken!
Platt: *Glug* *Glug* *Glug*
Filed under: Thoughts
Excellent
Poor, very very poor.
To compare David Platt to the many decent rats that have drowned is wrong.
Excelent, reminiscent of LTLF when it was in the height of its power…. Well done.